Women’s Identity in Marriage: She’s More than a Wife

To most women, marriage is the dream. It symbolizes that happy ending they so yearn to have and finally be in the arms of true love. Marriage is, undoubtedly, a life changer, but this shouldn’t consequentially alter women’s lives.

Women losing identity in marriage is almost an expected situation, something one can see happening from a mile away. This can be caused by one of two things:

1. Society views women through such a limited lens that the moment they merge their lives with another, they become almost like a supplement to that life.
2. Or, women love so much that they end up pouring themselves into relationships, leaving almost nothing to themselves.

Either way, it’s about time to redefine women’s identity in marriage—cementing their role as more than just someone’s Mrs., wife, or mother. It’s also about time that women learn to center their energies on nurturing themselves alongside or even more than their marriages.

Rediscovering Women’s Roles in Marriage

Author and women advocate Tish Barnhardt has written a Christian fiction for women overcoming marriage struggles. She calls it a “cautionary tale” meant to make women realize the consequences of possibly giving too much of themselves in their relationships.

This doesn’t encourage them to be nonchalant or not be as loving as they naturally are. Instead, it shows the downsides of when women who love too much end up in the arms of the wrong men, how misery and woes eat them, and their identities up.

The narrative shows that only when women struggle in marriages or when unions end that they feel empowered to regain their identities as some form of revenge when it shouldn’t be the case. It centers on the importance of reclaiming women’s identity in marriages and that becoming someone’s “wife” shouldn’t feel like the only trophy women proudly carry.

Who She Was Before the “I Do”

There’s nothing inherently wrong with women merging their lives with someone’s in marriage. It’s anticipated and almost a natural circumstance to occur. However, as much as men love to be themselves and enjoy the things they once did, so should women.

Losing a woman’s identity in marriage often happens innocently and in a snap. Women may never even realize it, but they’re slowly losing their grasp of who they are. They no longer do things they were once passionate about. Time and energy with friends are now redirected toward caring for the new family.

While these might seem trivial, they carry much of who women are.

What Are the Signs to Look Out for?

In rediscovering who women are in marriages, they must look back at who they were before the vows. What was special about them then, and what’s holding them back now? Sure, changes in marriage are inevitable, but these shouldn’t make women feel lost or less of themselves.

Here are common signs women’s identity in marriage might be compromised:

• Interests are fading away.
• Personal needs are pushed back, and others are prioritized.
• Social circles have shrunk as friends drift away.
• Feeling like time is running out without understanding why.

Marriage signals the union of two individuals willing to grow together. But this should also mean that each grows independently, as well. If any sound familiar, it’s time to step back into the light.

Reclaiming Women’s Identity in Marriage

Women and marital sacrifice are inseparable, given that women carry out the most significant changes during marriage. Whether it’s using a new last name or focusing their energies at home instead of out, they go through much rebuilding and changing for the union to thrive.

However, just because they’re nurturing one thing doesn’t mean they have to lose the other.

Women can still support their families and be wonderful wives while genuinely and proudly embracing their identities, and it all starts with breaking stereotypes.

Women Aren’t Just Support Systems

After marriages, women are subconsciously expected to step back into their husbands’ shadows and provide emotional support. However, while a union does signify the mutual support couples must give one another, this shouldn’t be all they become. As partners, women should still be perceived as individuals with dreams, needs to be satisfied, and identities to pursue.

Women’s Career and Ambitions

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to solely focus on keeping the house warm and clean—it is an honorable and eminent role to play. However, it’s not for everyone. Couples should communicate their goals and ensure both sides are met.

Women especially shouldn’t be forced to compromise their ambitions because of the union.

Women’s Passions and Hobbies

One of the first things that goes when women get married is their past interests. They unnoticeably fade away as women become more focused on caring for their families. It’s important that women allocate a portion of their time to continue nurturing their interests and pursuing their hobbies.

Women’s Identity vs. Motherhood

An inner struggle women face, especially during motherhood, is losing who they are to become mothers. Their days revolve around rearing their children and making sure they’re provided for.

But who’s taking care of them?

It’s crucial that motherhood doesn’t fully consume women and that they’re still given space to nurture who they are outside of being mothers. To achieve this, men must step in and do their fair share of the responsibility of starting a family.

Women’s Needs

People have specific needs or routines that make them feel like themselves. For women in marriages, these can be easily pushed aside in exchange for doing chores or things that “matter” more. But what matters more than keeping oneself sane?

Despite busy schedules, women should ensure they’re doing things for themselves. This can include:

• Doing simple exercises
• Eating healthily
• Practicing self-care routines
• Taking some “alone” time with friends or hobbies

Marriages Should be a Case of Mutual Fulfillment

Marriages unite two people, but this doesn’t mean two lives should be merged into one. It’s time society encouraged women to embrace their complexities and strive to remain unique in their marriages. There shouldn’t be a light that dims within these unions. If anything, marriages should strive to become a space for self-discovery where both sides support one another.

Sure, relationships are about compromise, but one’s identity shouldn’t be part of the sacrifices. Women shouldn’t feel the need to sacrifice themselves for a marriage to work.

For more insights into how the balance between union and independence can be made, Tish Barnhardt has written a compelling narrative to learn from. Grab a copy of her So You Want to Be a First Lady? today.